I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
