I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
