i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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