have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
