have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
