you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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