this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize