Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Found the puke drawer
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
