that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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