if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
