I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize