I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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