I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
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how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
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come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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