i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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