can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
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Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At least life still wants to fuck me.