ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend