totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.