don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.