god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
