Where did you get a picture of my penis
so let's talk penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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