There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
