Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
