i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
