We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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