there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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