I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
