i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
