last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
