And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can't talk, ducks in the car
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
