he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
