Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
