i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Randomize
