wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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