need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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