She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize