i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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