Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
