There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
