If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize