When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
