Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You are a genius and a whore.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
