I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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