That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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