Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate