Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future