so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.