I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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