im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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