saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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