in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
