her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
