Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
