she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
