the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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