I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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