Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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