Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
