so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
