So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
