All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
