Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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