In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
