i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
