I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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