God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i believe in u and ur pee
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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