yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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