Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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