you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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